What the crivens is going on??

What is it with this country and January these days. I remember there used to be a bit of snow round my birthday (this Sunday hint hint!!) but for the last couple of years all we have had is rain and wind. Any day now I expect 4 people on horseback to appear on the horizon and then it is curtains for the lot of us.
On Monday I did the usual walk from the workhouse to the Betamax shop for that dinnertime pick me up of chocolate and I was nearly washed away as the Irwell was, shall we say, pretty high. In fact I read that the Mark Addy is actually flooded, which doesn't surprise me. It was looking that if it got much worses they would have to evacuate the Lowry Hotel. Now what a shame that would have been looking at the the rock stars, D list celebs and footballers with their clothes horse other halves standing outside trying to avoid the shopping trollies, McDonald litter and condoms that were washed up from the river.